by FRANCESCA NUNEZ HOBSON
Since your baby is an actual infant, the costume you’ve chosen for their First Halloween says a lot more about you than it does about them.
You love to make the most out of every season. When sweater weather rolls around, you’re in your element. Pumpkin spice is not a trend, it’s a tradition! It’s a mood. Cozy scarves, a chunky boot, a touch of plaid... What some call basic, you call classic. Raise your beloved PSL and let us toast to you — as you live, laugh, and love all autumn long.
A Woodland Creature of Any Kind
You are an avid reader with a fantastic imagination. You keep tabs on the secret life of squirrels in your backyard. There’s a raccoon you see on a weekly basis, and you know it’s no coincidence — it chose you . When your childhood cat brought home dead creatures, you gathered the neighborhood kids together and gave each animal a proper burial.
You waited to have kids until you felt like your finances were in order. “Go ahead and charge extra for avocado — I can afford it,” you say to yourself as you smugly pay for lunch with your platinum rewards card. You will make several jokes about your avocado-costumed baby being “100% organic,” and there is a 70% chance you live in California.
Baby Yoda (or anything that’s a TV / Movie / Pop Culture reference)
You’ve considered disconnecting. Going off the grid, turning off your phone for an entire weekend. Reading a book instead of watching a movie. The intention is there, but you won’t. The FOMO would be crushing and besides — if you don’t watch the latest release, you won’t get the memes, and you hate being on the outside of an inside joke.
If someone gave you $100 and told you to treat yourself, you’d head straight to Sephora. Glitter is like black; it goes with everything. You’re incredibly capable and exude #GSD energy, but you pride yourself on not taking life too seriously. Those close to you know that if they really want to know how you’re doing, all they need to do is check out your nails. Your mani is a reflection of your mental state at any given time.
You never got to go to Space Camp, but you know you would have excelled. You have high hopes for your baby — and big plans, too. You cannot wait to help with homework. How young is too young to start STEM activities, you wonder. You look to the moon and think about your wasted potential as a space explorer. You look to Mars, you look to your baby, and you see the future. You either drive a Tesla, or you wish you did.
You’re a real sweetheart. You’re a good listener with impeccable manners, and you always put your grocery cart back in the corral. There are times when you feel like you should stand up for yourself a little more, but you’ve accepted that you’re conflict-averse. At least during those rare occasions when you feel you really must drop an F-bomb, everyone knows that the situation is serious.
If you’re invited to an event, your first question is: “Will there be food?” You wouldn’t call yourself a “foodie” because that term is passé, but you do pride yourself on knowing the best spots to grab a bite in town and which delivery holds up for ordering in. You’re not half bad in the kitchen, either, which is why your friends will completely understand why you’ve placed your baby in the largest pot you could find. Carry them around like this for as long as they’ll let you!
Your Witch Phase began when you were 13, but it never really ended. Don’t forget to charge your crystals under the Full Moon on the night of October 19. After all, Halloween is more than just a candy-coated, costumed celebration. ‘Tis All Hallows’ Eve ! The day when the veil between the worlds of the living and the dead is the thinnest! Anything could happen!! And oh, how you wish it would.